what dreams are made of
Do you remember the crazy things you dreamed you would become when you were little? The dreams that you leave behind you as you come to grasp the limitations of your circumstances and your abilities. The dreams that get discarded as you realize how foolish and delusional it is to continue trying to reach those castles in the sky.
When I was young, I wanted to be an Olympic figure skater. Then, when I realized that if I couldn't do any double jumps at the age of 12 and my mother was unwilling to spend thousands of dollars a years for training, it just wasn't going to happen. Then I went through all the other usual aspirations: I entertained myself as a famous movie star, a song-writer, a movie director. And now I find myself embarrassed to admit that I wanted to be all these silly things.
And now as I enter adulthood, and find myself flirting with the prospect of settling with a pleasant life—a husband, potentially 2.5 kids, a good job. I feel myself slowly letting go of aspirations to become a writer, a professor, a cultural critic...
And as I let go of these little bundles of dreams, or atleast, hold them a little less tightly, I wonder… to what degree have I come to an acceptance of my limitations? To what degree have I begun to realize the superficiality and banality of the things I aspire to be and the selfishness that motivates me in achieving them? To what degree, has letting go of these dreams allowed me to appreciate and understand the true joys of life in marriage, friendship and children? And to what degree have I given up on striving for something truly meaningful (something that God has intended for me to do) and resigned myself for something safe and comfortable?
5 comments:
Hey Linshuang,
It sounds like you've been pondering a lot lately. I've kindof been mulling over the same things a lot recently; we should chat sometime! (and just because I miss talking with you). I won't likely be in Philly soon, but we still should (I'll even drive to where I get cell reception!) :-).
All dreams are disposable except one
I think those dreams are meant to grow up, not be let go. By and large my biggest passions and longings go back to early childhood. God plants desires in our hearts. When these desires grow and mature and manifest themselves in good works, they bring glory to him and great joy to us.
What things make you feel like a bird in flight? Pray about these things. You may find that Jesus wants you to be a writer, a professor, a cultural critic..
Well, I hope you'll write more poetry.
I hope so too! (i think I have to start reading more poetry in order to write it). I think I agree with Nick--- there are desires in our heart that planted there by good and we need to learn how to direct them to do something glorious and wonderful for Him.
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